G310C
G310C1 :: Smile code and coordinates
Gallup’s smile code and coordinates must be strictly adhered to its precise decimal value. A member of G310C cannot smile more than 0.67 cm wide horizontally and 0.43 cm wide vertically. Smiling outside the above bracket will be considered as violation of the Corporate Culture Code (CCC). The defaulter can be suspended or rusticated from the system under the clause CCC 3(a) – Smile code. Laughing is strictly prohibited in the office premises. An act of such grossly informal behaviour will straight away lead to rustication of the accused. For further specifications on the CCC 3(a), please refer page no. 368 of the Gallup Code of Conduct and Discipline.
G310C2 :: Talk with sufficient graphical or numeric illustration:
At Gallup, every word or remark is an important subject for analysis to draw useful structural and behavioural patterns. The Gallup staffing society also dismisses any kind of baseless opinions or remarks about anything/anyone in the office premises, even if the point is valid under every circumstance or a point of no vital consequence. Here is an illustration that explains the code clearly:
Hansaraju Mayillappan: “I’m really hungry and when one is starving, rice and sambhar is the best way to go about.”
This is absolute violation of the above code. There are no significant values which prove that Hansaraju Mayillappan is hungry. And even if he is, it is a tall claim that rice and sambhar is the best way to go about killing hunger. Various permutations and combinations need to be examined before presenting a crucial point like this.
Hansaraju Mayillappan: “I’m hungry at the rate of 6 calories/sec with an appetite of 86% compared to the last time. It is convincingly proved that rice and sambhar savours one with 9 calories per cube of intake. The cube is defined as a sambhar soaked ball of rice with 50-60 grains of cooked rice and exactly 25 ml of sambhar in it, with or without other seasoning.
G310C3 :: Wear the trouser belt on your nipple latitude:
The prime use of a trouser belt, as identified by Gallup’s National Study - GNS#420, is that of having your chest firmly placed with all chest hair groomed well within the belt boundaries. This is proven to be hygienic to the eye and therapeutic to the human flabs. All the members of the Gallup fraternity are expected to define the nipple latitude before they are inducted.
G310C4 :: Wear the tie along your pee-pee longitude:
The prime use of a neck-tie, as identified by Gallup’s National Study – GNS#420(b), is that of ensuring symmetry in the body scheme. It is noted that, the tie needs to divide the body into two equal parts. Symmetry or balance is one of the key elements that enhances aesthetic value in a researcher’s already exciting life.
G310C5 :: Your shoe reflects what you are:
Quite literally, your shoes need to reflect what you are. Gallup’s premises are strategically designed without mirrors, to keep a check on the observance of this code. Every member of Gallup’s system just needs to look at the shining leather scalp of his/her shoe, in order to check the position of his/her neck-tie or leather belt as the case may be. This is economical and ensures full utilisation of time in more productive issues than narcissism. Narcissism is the violation of CCC and considered highly unethical and derogatory, though the scope for any such acts is almost impossible.
Note: The last case of narcissism was recorded in the year 2001, when muthuswamy tried to profusely appreciate the contrast of his teeth to the ultra-tanned skin.
G310C6 :: Brow Jive and Number Jingles:
As a part of Gallup’s extended recreation consciousness, there are fun exercises like the brow-jive and number jingles that help them bust work stress. A room with appropriate ventilation and trained facilitators has been designed to carry out these fun learning exercises. It is called the cafeteria, where people let their eye-brows jive to mean different fascinating things like- “you look 54% fairer than yesterday.”, “let’s hang-out at about 17:55 hrs this Sunday at the strand book shop may be?” and difficult expressions like “let us go for the new English comedy!”
P.S. Yes these expressions are highly hypothetical in nature.
Also the staff can engage in fun activities like number antaksharis and also compose number jingles on the Casio. And all this, savouring on unlimited cups of coffee and tobacco sticks.
P.S. Casio is also a calculator manufacturer.
Television, Cinema and Music are serious taboos. Try them at the risk of losing face for life.
G310C7 :: Scan, copy and print - You are the Canon X115 combo machine:
Gallup is under a strategic tie-up with Canon to train the professionals for better productivity using the Canon X115 combo prototype. At Gallup, members need to scan and investigate everything to its miniscule details. This is to abet Gallup’s mission of having a complete vision.
Although, the code has been amended this year after the Peeping Tom case where Mr. Mayillappan was found scanning Ms. Sharma’s not-so-vital statistics.
Copying every detail scanned, irrespective of its relevance, is the second-tier to this full-proof design to enhance employee productivity. And finally the details thus copied need to be printed in board room discussions, data analysis and also random conversations to boost the intellectual appeal of every individual c/o Gallup.
G310C8 :: Question everything using appropriate scales:
‘Questions’ have been the foundation stone of Gallup’s services. A questionnaire from the time of inducting an employee to the time of conducting a client makes the system unique and Idiot-proof. Questions drive every function at Gallup. The credit system as a performance indicator is based on the number of questions a member of the Gallup fraternity asks.
G310C9 :: ExCEL-lent Recreation:
Gallup understands the significance of recreation in this strenuous work life. As a part of this art and recreation scheme, we have introduced a compulsory ‘paint-on’ session for all the employees. A one hour session, where these hard-working individuals will colour the cells of an excel sheet and make a graffiti every day. The best graffiti will be displayed as the cover page of Gallup Annual Report 2010 (GAR).
G310C10 :: Caffeine and Nicotine free subscription:
Regular and adequate intake of caffeine and nicotine is prescribed by the board. As a stipulation, the subscription to these supplies will be absolutely free. But the consumption is mandatory to maintain the productivity standards.
Statutory warning: Too much mathematics is injurious to health; more than caffeine and nicotine.
*****PHEW*****
And you thought SIMC’s Aide Memoire was traumatic.
No comments:
Post a Comment